Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A:"Gifted"
Q: What do you call a blonde with a whole brain?
A: A Golden Retriever
Q: How do blonde brains cells die?
A: Alone.
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What did the blonde say to the doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: Are you sure it's mine?
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
A: Because that's where you're suppose to wash vegetables.
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde in the car with you?
A: Cause then you can park in the handicap zones.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Q: Why shouldn't blondes be allowed to take coffee breaks?
A: It takes to long to retrain them.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q: How can you tell if a second blonde has used the same computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to put information into a computer once.
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get the shopping channel.
Q: Why don't blondes eat Jell-O?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water in those little boxes.
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their heads in the jar.
Q: Why do blondes drive BMW's?
A: Because they can spell it
Q: Why do blondes right T.G.I.F. on their shoes?
A: To help them remember T.oes G.o I.n F.irst.
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on each side of her?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
A: A mental block.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: What's the first thing that a blonde does in the morning?
A: Introduces herself.
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?
A: Thanks for the refill!
Q: What is is called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data Transfer.
Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress
while reading her name tag?
A: "Debbie"...that's cute. What did you name the other one?"
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: They are easier to keep amuzed.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. She just holds the light bulb and the world revolves around her!
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a Veterinarian?
A: Because she loved children.....
Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the earth.
Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off the sink and broke her ankle.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that dropped out of nursing school?
A: She was doing great until she found out she would have to
perform the Hymenlick Maneuver.
Q: Why did the blonde stare intently on the carton of orange juice?
A: It said "concentrate".
Q: What do they call four blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin'.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her
jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said "From 2 to 4 years".
Q: How many blondes does it tak to play hide and seek?
A: Just one, and she's STILL trying to find herself!
Q: What do you call the skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champion.
Q: Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid?
A: Because they can't figure out how to get 8 cups of water
and a cup of sugar in those little packets..
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: why did the blonde fail her driver's license exam?
A: She wasn't used to the front seat.
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: ....I'll tell you tomorrow.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two. One to stand in the bath tub of water and the other to
plug in and pass her the blow dryer.
Q: What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket and riding
on a motorcycle?
A: Rebel without a clue.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number "Eleven"?
A: She didn't know which of the one's came first.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A: Air pockets.
Q: What can strike a blonde without them ever knowing it?
A: A thought.
Q: Why do blondes hate M & M's?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: What's brown and red....and black and blue all over?
A: A beat up brunette that told one too many blonde jokes.
Q: What does Dr. "Bones" McCoy say just before he performs
brain surgery on a blonde?
A: SPACE....The final frontier.
Q: A blonde and a brunette jump off a tall building, who hit
the ground first?
A: The brunette, the blonde stopped to ask for directions.
Q: Why are blondes hurt by some people's words?
A: Because these people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: They both eventually end up in the gutter.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So men and brunettes can understand them too.
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: "Frosted Flakes"
Q: What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has actually been seen.
Q: What did the blonde say when she was asked if she'd ever
been picked up by the fuzz?
A: "No, but I've been pulled aroung by my ponytail."
Q: What do blondes and cow "patties" have in common.
A: They both get easier to pick up with age.
Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her
jigsaw puzzle in just 6 months?
A: Because on the box it read:"From 2 to 4 years."
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell her a joke on Friday nights.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of cheerios?
A: "Oh looky!!! Donut seeds!!!!!"
Q: How does a blonde discribe in words how it feels being
surrounded by a bunch of drooling idiots?
A: "Flattered."
Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?
A: Because they can't spell Porsche.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a briefcase?
A: A "Branch" Manager.
Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They are both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Turns out....neither could the blondes.
Q: What is the blondes "cheer"?
A: "I'm a blonde, I'm a blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....uh...oh well....
I'm a blonde, I'm a blonde, yea..yea...yea!"
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a scratch and sniff sticker and the bottom of the pool.
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: "SPOT."
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair in ponytails?
A: To hide the air valve stems.
Q: What do you call you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: Space invader.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's disposable diaper
once every month?
A: Because it says right on the package: "good for up to 20 pounds."
Q: How does a blonde High-five?
A: She smacks herself on the forehead.
Q: How do you amuze a blonde for hours?
A: Just write, "Place this side down" on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: What's a blonde's favorite Rock Group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde with P.M.S. and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with the terrorist.
Q: Why do blondes die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the "1-1" when they dial "9-1-1".
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eye?
A: The back of her head.
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing panty hose?
A: When she passes gas, she blows her shoes off.
Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You Don't. They're born that way.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde write mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
Q: How does a blonde balance her check book?
A: On the end of one finger, but on her nose if she's really good at it.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX has been sent by a blonde?
A: There's a stamp on it.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She can get the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: What is five miles long, makes a whining noise and has an IQ of 40?
A: Blondes on Parade.
Q: To a blonde what is it that is long and hard?
A: The fourth grade.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a Pitbull?
A: Lipstick.
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: Because she didn't eat red meat anyway.
Q: Why did the blonde tip toe past the medicine closet?
A: She didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.
Q: What did the blonde do when she learned that 90% of all
accidents happen around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: Why do blondes like lightening?
A: It makes them think someone is taking their picture.
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: Why is a blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: Why don't they hire blonde pharmacists?
A: She kept breaking the pill bottles trying to get them into the typewriter.
Q: What is the definition of GROSS IGNORANCE?
A: 144 Blondes.
Q: What are the worse five years in a blonde's life?
A: sixth grade.
Q: Why was the front of the blondes clothes always so filthy?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "Don't Walk."
Q: How did the blonde get 36 holes in her face?
A: Trying to learn to eat with a fork.
Q: Why did President Bush want to send an army of blondes with
P.M.S. over to Iraq?
A: They're irritated enough to kill and they retain water.
Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: Because their ovens don't go to 700 degrees.
Q: Why do blondes have a hard time dialing 911 in an emergency?
A: They can't find the number 11 on the phone.
KEEP GOING.....LOT'S MORE BLONDE JOKES!!!
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.
Q: What do you call four blondes lying side by side on the ground?
A: An air mattress.
Q: What do they call an unmarried blonde in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: "What? What?"
Q: Why did the blonde climb over the chain link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in the backseat of her car?
A: In case she locks her keys in the car.
Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at the local University
sports events?
A: Too many blondes were drowning.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blonde in a Rolls Royce.
A: Widow of that Old Rich guy.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M & M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of m & m's and have her alphabetize them.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow in the air?
A: She missed.
Q: Why did the blonde cross the road.
A: I don't know, and neither did she.
Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: To show the chicken how it was done.
Q: What job title does a blonde have in an M & M factory?
A: "Proofreader."
Q: Why did they fire the blonde from the M & M factory?
A: She kept throwing away all the "W's"
Q: Why did the blonde steal the police car?
A: She saw 911 on it and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind the steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: "It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on It's off..."
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: What goes: VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still
stuck in the trap.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for blondes?
A: Perri-air.
Q: How can you tell when there's a blonde working in the office?
A: There's a bed in the stockroom and all the bosses are smiling!
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institute of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's IQ?
A: Stick a tire pressure guage in her ear.
Q: Why can't blondes put light bulbs in?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammer.
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